Lessons From the Bible’s Most Imperfect Marriages

THE LONG MIDDLE

Dana explains that the “long middle of marriage” is that season where things are not terrible but not great either, and many couples find themselves there for months or even years. She says, “The long middle is when that period has been sustained for a while. Couples may feel there has to be more to marriage. I’m not necessarily happy. I’m not necessarily filing the divorce papers, but I don’t want to sustain this season that we’re in for too much longer.”

She believes many couples get stuck because disconnection is actually the default in relationships. “Naturally we drift apart if you are not being intentional about connection. You start having kids, responsibilities, and before you know it, you don’t even know who your spouse is anymore. You’ve left your marriage on the back burner.” Dana emphasizes the importance of intentionality even in small daily gestures to maintain connection.

CHOOSING LOVE AND RESPECTFUL DISAGREEMENT

Dana describes choosing love as a conscious decision rather than a feeling. She believes, “Even when feelings are not there, you have to tap into your covenant. I chose this person. I have to love them, even when they are unlovable or when I do not feel like loving them. Love is a choice, and it is a matter of the will.” She encourages couples to model this covenantal love on God’s love, which is unconditional and steadfast.

She also offers guidance for disagreements. Dana explains that understanding differences is more important than forcing agreement. “You and your spouse are two different people with different experiences. If I can understand their perspective, that is a win. Arguments often happen when you try to force someone to see things your way.” Respecting differences and focusing on understanding helps maintain connection even during conflict.

WAITING, ENDURANCE, AND INFIDELITY

Dana shares from her personal experience of enduring a long trial in her marriage. She explains that she discovered her spouse’s infidelity about a year into their marriage, and that it created repeated cycles of pain. She describes the process of endurance, saying, “I felt the weight of the world grinding into my shoulders. Our marriage stayed broken for years due to cycles of infidelity. Each discovery reopened wounds I was trying to close.”

She advises couples still waiting for change to rely on faith and persistence. Dana says, “You wait well by returning to what you believe God has said. My marriage took 13 years to be restored. It was not easy and I did not always wait well, but I kept going back to hope in the Lord and His promises. Wholeness and restoration are possible after betrayal when both spouses choose to extend mercy, set healthy boundaries, and commit to rebuilding trust step by step.”

HOPE FOR READERS

Dana’s ultimate hope for couples reading her book is spiritual and relational restoration. She says, “The biggest hope that I have for my readers is that they will grow closer to the Lord. If we fix our spiritual disconnection, then all of the other disconnections we are feeling, emotional or otherwise, will naturally improve. As both spouses grow in their relationship with the Lord, they will naturally grow closer to one another.”
She emphasizes that the foundation of marriage is spiritual connection, and that focusing on God first strengthens every other aspect of the relationship. This principle guides her advice and personal experience, showing that enduring trials and choosing love lead to redemption, resilience, and intimacy.

To learn more about Dana Che, click the LINK! 

CREDITS

Author, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples / Podcaster, Rebuilding Us 1 mil+ downloads / Featured on : The Hampton Roads Show, New Life Church, Lighthouse Church, Awesome Marriage, Focus on the Family, Old Dominion University, Regent University, Business Scaling, The Mom Co.,Christianity.com, Crosswalk, Marriage Therapy Radio, Seapointe College, National Association of Government Communicators.